It’s been a really tough week.

Just this morning alone, I got up for a hearing while trying to supervise packing for another one in a different location, harangued someone, settled the hearing I got up for, completed the packing for the 2nd hearing while mentally switching from the settled hearing to the imminent one in 20 minutes or so.

There was just not enough panic for two concurrent matters. I alternated between feeling stoned (because when I panic I try to turn off some switches in my head to prevent overreacting) and feeling like I want to puke (which is my default when I need to get the show on the road.)

Well, it’s over now.

I can’t say it’s a good day or a bad day. Or maybe in my panic I have switched off so many buttons that at some point, I stopped feeling altogether.

Or maybe I am determinedly not feeling, postponing it all till Monday, till I have time to mull and react appropriately.

Weekends are for standing in the sun and swimming, Chopin and out of tune violins, silly jokes and sillier faces.

Let’s do it all again only on Monday.

K looking at stack of books on my shelf –

“Most of them are for my daughter!”

“A Cup of Rage?”

“Oh, yes, that’s mine.”

“That’s not hard to figure out.”

I am at Chingay, if you can believe it.

My mother is performing in a dance item and got us all tickets to attend.

homecoming

I’m trying to return to this space again after being away for a while.

In these intervening years, the cat in the banner had passed on and I’ve scaled down my writing a lot, which makes me wonder if my thoughts are being scaled down in the process.

But I still need this, I still need to write to work through my knots, the more inconvenient parts of my thought process, of my life.

I guess like most things in life, we’ll just have to make it up as we go along.

But it is always nice to be back. I read through a lot of the older entries and marvelled at how far I have come.

The Igor of the day is shifty.

CNY was not bad, for a change. I thought I would be as anxious as last year but it actually went quite well. It was a nice break and for once, because I was less anxious, I didn't overeat.

Trial tomorrow. Back to the grind. Bleargh.

*
In case I don't get around to it, you can still follow me on Instagram, same username.

I'm still looking for somewhere to write though. Will update once I get there 🙂

I have been posting on Dayre since November 2013.

I left my WordPress blog to port over to Dayre because it was a more convenient way to record the crazy bits of my day.

Many support staff and 4 associates later, I am writing this while on a bus on my way to Ash Wednesday mass.

I will continue somewhere. I haven't quite figured it out as yet. Do let me know if you'd like to continue to read my stream of consciousness.

Thanks for participating in my life.

❤️

I read an article today about praying mantis having a completely different form of stereoscopic vision from humans and how they have developed this system which uses way less processing power than humans.

Maybe evolutionarily, humans as a species are just not wired to learn to be more efficient over time.

So maybe there are no solutions to my problems. I should just put it down to nature, shrug and carry on. No need to spend too much emotional energy on this.

I had a semi-meltdown today from 3 weeks of accumulated frustrations.

I was unbelievably sad and cranky. So I sat around and put nice things into my shopping cart on Shopbop, made a spreadsheet of 3 years' worth of medical expenses, fixed a printer and read a 77-page judgement.

Then I felt better.

I'm not sure if being easily amused is a curse or a blessing. I am disgusted by my inability to stay angry, especially when my ability to get a better deal for my clients sometimes depends on staying angry.

My version of alfredo pasta for lunch today. I made a pea sauce because A hates peas so I mushed it up so she has no choice but to eat them.

Here is my daughter who can't go anywhere these days without her book.