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Archive for March, 2011

one of those days…

…when you’re on leave but spent a large part of the day remote-troubleshooting and you feel so drained and everything is pointless and you wonder why you are stupid enough to undertake to put up with all the attendant crap that goes with your job.

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I put away the large pot that we use to sterilize the infant milk bottles this weekend while I was making bolognese sauce for lunch on Saturday. I have stopped breastfeeding two weeks back and we no longer needed to sterilize the breast pump at the end of every work day.

While scrubbing the pot one last time before putting it back into the cupboard, I wondered when we’d use it again for the same purpose.

Thinking about the two children fast asleep upstairs after their swim in the morning, not too soon.

*

Lion sprouted his first tooth this weekend. He’s been drooling non-stop for a while now, sucking on everything he can get his hands on. I spotted it while feeding him his cereal breakfast this morning, one little exposed line in his lower gum, barely noticeable unless you look really closely.

Look, I told The Other Half, while suspending a spoonful of cereal in front of Lion so that he would open his mouth for The Other Half to look in.

I thought back to when Peanut was teething and remembered her one-tooth grin in the pictures taken at her first birthday celebration. It’s time to think about planning Lion’s one-year birthday celebration as well.

*

We had dinner at Central on Saturday night at a new Japanese Ramen place with Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law.

While driving home, I asked The Other Half whether he remembered a time before the kids when we’d walk to Central everyday after work and ate dinner at the restaurants there, when Central was barely opened, then hop on the train, taking the long walk home from the train station, holding hands in the dark.

Oh dear, said he, That seems like such a lifetime away.

*

It is quite, isn’t it?

I can no longer imagine Saturdays without swimming and going to the zoo, making milk and laying down to naps, running errands and meals with two highchairs, lights out by 9:30pm and heaving a sigh of relief at another eventful day completed.

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six days later

Someone told me that I should be in the judiciary instead of out here in practice.

But I don’t qualify, I laughed, not with my beer drinking second lower!

I should try anyway, someone said. Because he has seen my work and in his mind, he has me marked for something bigger. Plus I have experience and skill.

But isn’t it good for me that I stay in this so that there is a friendly and moderate voice on the other side to deal with? I asked.

He laughed and agreed. The conversation petered out and we parted further down along the road to meet again in the bar room another day.

Although I truly believe that I do good work and there is more than a cup full of pride in all that I do, I don’t really see myself as that big a deal. I don’t really see myself as being the top of the game. I just do something reasonably, or even just relatively, well and that’s the end of it. There is no magic in what I do. I just do what I suppose I should rightly be doing and that is all.

This morning, after reading the hefty submissions I had prepared over the last 6 days or so, getting increasingly cranky and swearing at all who dared darken my doorway at work, the Buddha said to me:

Thanks. You are far better at these things than I am. I couldn’t have done it any better myself.

I won’t deny that it’s nice to have someone think that way of me. I will hold on to that thought through my darker hours of submissions-writing, work-angst, and disappointment.

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