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Archive for December, 2010

vexations

A very typical conversation with Cornflakes:

Me: Did you read it to check if it really says this?

He: I was flipping through it. [feigns flipping pages with hands] There was nothing.

Me: [suspicious] Did you read it?

He: I flipped through it and looked at the headings. [feigns flipping pages and glancing at a page]

Me: [takes a deep breath] Did you read it?

He: Well, I didn’t actually read it [mimes following words on a page with a finger] But it was not in the headings so I don’t think it says so … [notices look on my face] … I’ll go and read it now… [disappears and will probably only return a couple of hours later]

*Sigh*

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Because I am clearing emails to free server space at work, here are some wise words from Jeffery from back in 2005:

Me

I have, at some point tonight, started to feel that comfortable solitude again, like nothing really matters but the clicking of the keyboard and the future belongs to me and me alone. I know at some point in time I’d have to learn to relate to other people more than I do now, but it’s just so easy to slide back into the quiet. It’s much easier to hide in myself and the music and go on.

He

do not fret… i have my moments too.. haha…i find nights that i spent late in the office quiet and very calming. a place where no one touches my life at a moment which i do not wish to be, however it can be good that there are also some colleagues in the other room who are staying late to finish up some work and all…and we head out for some chips and snacks in between…

ultimately yes, it a huge challenge for me to stay with someone, yet crave for that piece of self which denies entry to anyone else.. i have in time to come, realise it to be the wall which i have built higher and thicker and stronger around myself… in a bid to be alone and probably, a bid to not be hurt.. by anything or one.

but no matter how bewilding this wall may be, someone out there will happen to chance upon this small winding road that leads into within and reaches out to touch the heart..haha.. speaking from experience…

so one can never be alone for too long i conclude… and loving someone who understands and similarly, craves their own space, yet never taking the relationship for granted may ultimately be the only solution to go.. haha..

u may or may ot agree with me.. but that has how i come to feeel over the years…a tinge of sadness mixed with the uncertainty of joy that life will bring me over the years, that will inevitably only make the end more than worthwhile.

*

I’ve been thinking about this since I met Jeffrey on a Friday in the recent past:

If you come back in 5 years and still feel the same about someone, and the feeling is mutual, I think there’s really got to be something there.

So when I asked when, I really did assume that somewhere inside, you already know the answer.

I truly feel that life is better with someone to share. It really is quite liberating not having to worry about…commuting.

😉

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from start to finish in 12 pictures

It all starts with words on a page…

rescued from Sir Alfred Maximus before he conked for good


Then there is dried mixed fruit swimming in alcohol over 2 days or so…

drowning is the most quiet death


After putting the kids to bed, prepare a steamer half-filled with water and bring the water to a boil. Then turn off the fire and melt the butter, sugar, honey and spices over the hot water like so:

*insert smell of spiced honey butter here*


While the butter is melting, sift the dry ingredients, check on the butter, then grab a pair of scissors and cut up the apricots into little itty bits. Then remove the spiced honey butter from the water bath and completely coat the dried fruit, together with a small cup of fruit juice.
jewelled fruit
Then the eggs.

I've always felt sorry for them.


Then the cut up apricots.

Then finally, the dry ingredients.

fold in gently...


Over a steamer.

as evenly as you can manage


Hour 1…lick up / wash up all implements used in the torture of eggs and batter and drink a small glass of lemonade spiked with gin over ice…

Hour 2…go upstairs to check on the children and play a lot of Farm Frenzy…

Hour 3…shake yourself awake suddenly and find that all the water has evaporated and the steamer is making a weird sound. Freak out and top up the water and pace the kitchen nervously, trying not to fall asleep…

done at 1:30am


Serve on Christmas day to rave reviews:

fruitcake!


Hope you had a Merry Christmas too!

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my working principle

The Buddha is freezing his ass off in London.

I am sitting in my desk trying hard to solve both his problems and mine while trying to think through some existential / religious problems, the onset of which was brought about by the holiday season. I have plenty of work to do which I don’t feel like doing because all I really want is to curl up in a corner with a very hot cup of tea to work out my issues and / or finish reading Anna Karenina.

I keep having these rather existential thoughts these days. They occur mostly while I am walking along the City alone to work, from lunch, from work. I wonder about whether it is possible to be truly objective, or the premise of all and everything, about why Russians are the way that they are, and whether my thoughts of attending mass on Christmas Eve constitutes an abrogation of my stance (objections, rather) towards organised religion, so much and so forth.

These pseudo deep thoughts sit quite uncomfortably next to other thoughts of the mechanics of hole-ing a cupcake for a cream filling, where to steal 3 hours from the next 2 days to steam my very evil and vile fruitcake which fruits are steeping in the fridge in 4 tablespoons of Benedictine DOM as I walk along, thoughts that are as frivolous as the pseudo deep thoughts are…well…deep.

So if I do not check in again before the week ends, here’s wishing all (who still read this – can I exhort all who happen by to drop me a shout out?) a very Merry Christmas!

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on normal behaviour

I was copied in an email string as follows:

Perfectly normal request from paralegal J
Hi,
I need to retrieve JT’s email data.
Could you send me a copy?
Thanks.

Funky reply from the technicians
Dear J,
Thank you for your request.
Symptom: Retrieving JT’s emails.
Solution: Permission given to access JT’s email box. Click link below.

I know. WTF, right? Why oh why can’t adult people behave normally?! Seriously!!!

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Levin sat beside the hostess at the tea table, and was obliged to converse with her and her sister, who was sitting opposite him. The hostess was a short, fair, round-faced woman, beaming with smiles and dimples. Levin tried to find out through her the answer to the riddle, so important to him, presented by her husband; but he had not full freedom of thought because he felt painfully uncomfortable. This painful discomfort was due to the fact that her sister sat opposite to him in a dress that seemed to him to have been put on especially for his benefit, with a particularly low, square-cut décolletage showing her white bosom. Though her bosom was so white, or perhaps because it was so white, this square-cut deprived Levin of his freedom of though. He imagined, probably quite mistakenly, that the bodice was cut like that on his account; he felt that he had no right to look at it and tried not to do so, but felt guilty because it was cut so. Levin felt as if he were deceiving someone, as if he ought to offer some explanation which was impossible, and therefore he kept blushing and was restless and uncomfortable. His discomfort communicated itself to the pretty sister, but the hostess did not seem to notice anything and purposely drew her sister into the conversation.

‘You say,’ the hostess continued, ‘that my husband cannot feel an interest in anything Russian? On the contrary, though he is happy abroad, he is never so happy there as here. He feels in his own sphere. He is so busy, and he has a gift for taking an interest in everything. Oh! you have not been to see our school!’

‘I saw it…It is a little ivy-covered house?’

‘Yes, that is Nastya’s business,’ she said, pointing to her sister.

‘You yourself teach?’ asked Levin, trying to look beyond the bodice, but conscious that if he looked in her direction he must see it.

‘Yes, I have been and am still teaching, but we have a splendid master. And we have introduced gymnastics.’

‘No thanks! No more tea,’ said Levin, and unable to continue the conversation, though he knew he was behaving rudely, he got up blushing. ‘I hear a very interesting conversation there,’ he added, and went to the other end of the table where his host and the two landlords were sitting.

~ Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

*

The above passage almost made me laugh out loud in the train this morning.

Doesn’t that just remind us of how shifty and weird I sometimes get with some people? Heh.

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Happy Birthday, my daughter 🙂

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