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Archive for September, 2011

During one of our lunches together some weeks ago, School Marm and I were trading stories about our annoying clients and she told me about Nutjob A. In return, I told her about a mindboggling question put to me by Claims Officer B.

For some reason, these two characters were brought up in conversation again during our lunch on Monday. Before we parted, School Marm asked whether I would like to lunch today but since I had some leftover food from the weekend that I needed to clear, I declined and told her that I would be bringing in a packed lunch today.

When I returned to my desk from Court this morning, my secretary told me that she had called me while I was away. Because we do different work, she hardly calls me save for lunch or to complain.

So I called her back, thinking that she forgot that I was lunching in today, but turns out that she actually wanted to ask me a legal question.

Nutjob A apparently called her and told her about a friend who was driving by a building when this bizarre thing happened to her which she wanted to make an insurance claim for. So Nutjob A asked the friend to call School Marm for advice. Since School Marm doesn’t do my work, she thought she had better have a word with me before speaking with Nutjob A’s friend.

As she went on to describe the bizarre accident to me in detail, something clicked.

“Wait a minute,” said I. “That’s the opposite side of the same question Claims Officer B asked me about!”

And so we were conflicted out from acting, but not before we formed the opinion that outlandish characters will always find a way of getting into situations together in life.

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She: So you know last week I was going out for my run right? Can’t remember which night. You know how I always take the stairs down to the ground floor? I walked down one floor and I saw two people making out in the stairwell!!

He: Really?! What do you mean by making out?

She: As in they were plastered against each other and her skirt was hiked up to her waist. You know, making out.

He: Shit! This has never happened to me!! I should trade running days with you! Nothing like that happens on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

She: No you can’t trade running days with me! Anyway, I was stunned. I didn’t want to walk past them coz they’ll hear me walking down the stairs behind them, right? Later they get interrupted and they hit me with a big stick. So I ran back upstairs and walked the other way to the lift and took a lift down. I think they heard me because when I reached the ground floor, they were walking towards me from the stairwell. It was kinda embarrassing.

He: How old were they?

She: How the hell am I supposed to know? Maybe late twenties?

He: Are they even good looking?

She: Why are you so excited?! I don’t know if they are good looking or not. I couldn’t look at them! It was so embarrassing!

He: Shit! That’s like a porno film!

She: What do you mean?! It’s not even porno!

He: It’s like soft porn. You know how the most famous porno film of all times, Emmanuel?

She: I don’t know Emmanuel! I never watched any porno till I was nineteen!

He: How can you not know Emmanuel?! Everyone I know knows Emmanuel! Argh! Good porno is wasted on the undeserving!

She: What do you mean good porno is wasted on the undeserving?! So what would you have done?

He: I would have stomped past them and made sure they hear me going by.

She: What if they hit you with a big stick?

He: I have running shoes on.

*

So, as a matter of interest, what would you have done?

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fashion fail

Conversation between Peanut and Mummy yesterday morning while Mummy was helping Peanut out of the backseat of the car

She: 妈妈, 妳像斑马!! [Read: Mummy, you are like a zebra!]

Me: Huh?

She: 妳看妳的衣服!! [Read: Look at your outfit!]

Right.

*

In other news, Lion, who had only 3 teeth for the longest time, has decided to get on with the programme and grow 5 teeth at the same time, thereby resulting in a horrible fever over the last 3 days.

I have therefore been ordered to leave work NOW to return home to him.

Sigh.

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juice

Said Peanut to me while looking at an escalator which was not switched on at the MRT station:

Eh, Mummy, this one got no battery already!!

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all in the mind

Sometime this morning

Me: I offered to pay disbursements of the application but my opponent insist on costs of the application.

Judge: How much are the disbursements for the application?

Opponent: $158.00

Judge: Costs of this application is now fixed at $160.00 (inclusive of disbursements).

*

Conversation between The Buddha and I sometime after lunch today

He: Have you gotten a replacement for your Blackberry yet?

Me: No. They need me to return everything to them and I am missing the charger. Left it at home.

He: So where is your replacement?

Me: They can only give me a replacement after I return everything to them. What’s the hurry? It’s not really that important.

He: I need you to have a Blackberry! So that I can send you emails in the middle of the night!

Me: I can’t believe you just said that out loud.

*

Opponent: Urgent application to admit further documents.

Me: New documents only came in on Monday. Hearing is tomorrow afternoon. Cannot proceed.

Judge: Okay. Hearing tomorrow afternoon is vacated and refixed to Wednesday afternoon.

Right.

*

AND THEN someone just asked me this question at work in relation to a personal injury claim:

Since insomnia and phobia are all in the mind and there is technically no physical injury, would they still be considered as bodily injury?

This is turning out to be one of those strange, strange days…I think I should go home and hide under a rock.

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a cough

I lost my voice the whole of last week but found it again this week. It brought a friend home, however. A friend named Cough.

I’ve done a whole bottle of 京都念慈菴川貝枇杷膏. It’s still here, sitting deep in my throat, threatening to hack up my lungs.

I’ve done a shot of Brandy Apricot on two consecutive nights [because I have run out of Benedictine DOM or Yomeishu and have no champagne…all of which were previously employed to cure coughs to varying degrees of successes]. All that did was to tickle it and made it laugh, which is really not a pleasant experience. I have since come to the conclusion that the Brandy Apricot has probably been around for too long to do the nececssary.

So last night, I had a shot of Limoncino. Thirty minutes later, the itch in my throat went into hiding.

It’s still there this morning, but very much less so. It’s gone from sitting to lurking around. I’ll probably do another shot tonight for good measure.

So even though it may sound completely madcap, do take me seriously when I tell you that alcohol would solve most of your problems.

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