Archive for December 18th, 2015

It's an odd sort of day. My heart tells me that I should be slowing down for the year end but my head reminds me that I have an appeal next Tuesday.

I wander around, half heartedly doing work, only answering the easy letters and abandoning the ones which require a bit more intellectual effort.

I ate sandwiches for lunch and they are churning around in my tummy, having likely been left on display all day; My stomach, much to my chagrin, has its own warning system for expired food.

I drank a cup of tea and read my book. Yesterday I said I needed to work through some complicated emotions. I then proceeded to sit in the Bar Room drinking tea and chatting with people. Today I cannot bring myself anywhere within 2 inches of them. I read my book to empty my head so that I won't start to think.

I don't know where this is going. My stomach is waging war against globules of sandwiches, coating them in the vilest acid.

I want to feel less complicated, less in knots, but that would first require me to work out how I got here.

One part of my head tells me that maybe it is time to take a nap. The other part reminds me that I am supposed to be queuing up for this PTC. My number is on the board but no judge is listed to hear me. No other cases are listed. I am all alone in the waiting, which is really odd. I am starting to wonder when would be a good time to panic, or whether I hallucinated this PTC.

There are just no easy answers today.

I want to hide somewhere deep in my handbag and not think.

(After that spiel, I went to the toilet and threw up. Then 2 seconds after I collected myself and returned to the waiting area, my number was called.)

I wished my stomach could be cast in iron, or that my heart would instead be the one with an early warning system for expired emotions.

"I think tentatively happy is as good as it gets."


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