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Archive for December 18th, 2015

It's an odd sort of day. My heart tells me that I should be slowing down for the year end but my head reminds me that I have an appeal next Tuesday.

I wander around, half heartedly doing work, only answering the easy letters and abandoning the ones which require a bit more intellectual effort.

I ate sandwiches for lunch and they are churning around in my tummy, having likely been left on display all day; My stomach, much to my chagrin, has its own warning system for expired food.

I drank a cup of tea and read my book. Yesterday I said I needed to work through some complicated emotions. I then proceeded to sit in the Bar Room drinking tea and chatting with people. Today I cannot bring myself anywhere within 2 inches of them. I read my book to empty my head so that I won't start to think.

I don't know where this is going. My stomach is waging war against globules of sandwiches, coating them in the vilest acid.

I want to feel less complicated, less in knots, but that would first require me to work out how I got here.

One part of my head tells me that maybe it is time to take a nap. The other part reminds me that I am supposed to be queuing up for this PTC. My number is on the board but no judge is listed to hear me. No other cases are listed. I am all alone in the waiting, which is really odd. I am starting to wonder when would be a good time to panic, or whether I hallucinated this PTC.

There are just no easy answers today.

I want to hide somewhere deep in my handbag and not think.

(After that spiel, I went to the toilet and threw up. Then 2 seconds after I collected myself and returned to the waiting area, my number was called.)

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I wished my stomach could be cast in iron, or that my heart would instead be the one with an early warning system for expired emotions.

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"I think tentatively happy is as good as it gets."

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